Remembering

My little girl and very best friend, Pepper…

It was one year ago today that I loved her most. One year ago today that I said goodbye.

I know that I will always miss her, but there are a few more smiles than tears now…

on most days.

She was my childhood dog, the dog I grew up with, but most certainly not the dog I had thought I would ever come to call my own. As a little kid, I had wanted every breed imaginable—usually changing it daily, every kind from the tiniest fluffy haired dog to biggest and fiercest dog. I finally narrowed it down to one—a Golden Retriever.

A couple years later we had just moved to rural Virginia (I was eleven) to experience farm life and a dear friend asked if we would like his 18 month old Rat Terrier.

She came with her name included, a worn out collar, a chain leash, food and water bowls, and a light pink house filled with cedar shavings. And she chose me. Not right away of course—she was shy, untrained, a picky eater, and disliked most toys. I taught her manners—how to sit and stay, to not run away, to not bark, to not steal eggs. And Pepper taught me friendship, the true meaning of commitment, and most importantly love and patience.

She came to be my shadow and she always knew what it was I asked of her even without words. She was sweet natured, inquisitive, fearless (in her own small 20 lb. way), and always so full of life.

No, she was not the dog I would have chosen, or even the dog I had wanted, but I know in my heart that she most definitely was the dog I needed. The dog meant for me. And that is all that matters. She truly was a gift and was a very special friend indeed.

Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. ~ Winnie the Pooh

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Kahil Gibran

This hole in your heart is in the shape of the one you lost—no one else can fit it. ~ Jeanette Winterson

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~ Winnie the Pooh

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~ Unknown

Mourning is love with no place to go. ~ Anonymous

And, somewhere out there, there will be another dog meant for me…
one day.

A little bead just for me!

I have some extreme cuteness to share with you today! It's not very often that I buy beads for myself… but I was looking for a little doggy bead to remind me of my Pepper girl and so when Lauren of Maybeads on Etsy offered to make her for me, I was beyond thrilled. For a girl who loves beads and her dog (and misses her dearly), what could be better than that??

Here she is…

Lauren did such a wonderful job. I knew I would love the doggy she made for me, but when she showed me my finished Pepper bead, I gasped with delight! She couldn't have made her any more perfect—she capture all the details—the spots of pepper on her ears (the only place that her many spots where actually visible), her stumpy tail, and her sweet eyes.

I asked Lauren to make her in a standing pose. I love her poised stumpy little tail… reminds me of how Pepper envisioned herself to be a fierce protector. She always tried to be fearless and her bark was so much larger than she was, but in reality she was so sweet and gentle, and actually rather shy.

I know by now you're probably amazed by the sheer cuteness that Lauren captured in a little glass bead, but when you see just how small my Pepper bead is, you'll be even more amazed—I know I am! Take a look…

 Yes, I'm so happy with her! Eventually, once I come up with the right design, I plan to make a necklace with her, but for now she's in my studio by my computer brightening each day with her cuteness—one more way to be reminded that my Pepper girl will always be with me in my heart no matter how much time separates us.

Thank you again Lauren! I've never had a more special bead!

Starting to restock…

I've been working on making beads again and restocking my shop over the past two weeks. It's not a whole lot, but here's what I've finished and listed…

I'm not doing any new bead designs yet—so many of you have been asking about my current beads, so I want to get those in first. I've also decided to do all my listings as ready-to-ship, only listing what I have available, that way you'll get your beads right after you purchase. No more waiting for me to make them! And it allows me to make them in bigger batches, instead of a few of this kind and a few of that kind. I'm also not going to be taking any custom orders for right now since I have so much restocking to do, but I do have plans to make more dogs and cats of different kinds and in custom colors… I've been wanting to be able to do more personalized pets ever since I had my first requests last year.

So… that'll be happening and I will eventually make the new beads I keep mentioning… I'm just not quite sure when they'll actually be ready.



I know I sound so mopey. I'm trying not to. I'm still trying to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. Yesterday was 8 weeks since my little Pepper girl passed away and it really hit me hard. I hate the fact that time is taking us further and further apart. I so miss my furry little shadow.

I miss her excitement and the thundering of her little paws when she raced through the foyer after our outings. She loved to run and jump! I miss her stumpy wagging tail. And I so miss her smile. And her snoring. And the soft jab of her nose when she wanted my attention. The touch of her fur. I miss her everything.

I've been puppy searching for the past few weeks, checking the new comers to the shelters and classified ads daily… actually it's been several times a day. But so far none have struck me that they are meant for me. I really want a young puppy, a little girl, and I want a smallish size. I'd love another Rat Terrier if I could find one. But then, I'm not sure I'm actually ready just yet.

Thank you all for being so kind and patient with me and for listening to my ramblings. I'll get back to being me again… I know I will…

My Heart, My Dog

When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure. ~ Unknown

For more than 15 years my life was made whole by…

a set of four little white paws

a pair of spiky ears

two smiling eyes

one black sniffy nose

a rumbling snore

a fierce bigger-than-she-really-was bark that rivaled every dog in the neighborhood

dozens of black polka-dots on pink (except for on her ears, you could really only see them when she was wet :-)

a constant flurry of white fur falling like confetti at a birthday party

a stumpy wagging tail

a million wet kisses

… and one heart filled so full with love, happiness and undying loyalty

she was my girl
MY heart
my DOG…

my Rat Terrier

my Pepper

I know that I was so blessed to have her in my life—a little bundle of joy from above, bestowed on me for what seemed so short a while—but I wouldn't have traded that gift for anything else in the whole world.

Every good and perfect gift is from above. ~ James 1:17

And even though my heart is so very broken by her passing, I know in my heart that she lived the wonderful life that was intended for her—nothing more, nothing less. I give thanks each and every day that she was put into my life and that we had such happy times together.

How do you say goodbye? How do you ever move on?

I don't know yet.


But some things do help…

Remembrance carved into stone. Justin of Justin R Visser Stone Engraving made this memorial stone for me. He is such an awesome nice guy to work with and went the extra mile to make it perfect for me. I couldn't bring myself to put an end date—and in truth there isn't one—she'll always be with me, in my heart forever.

And a little dog tag to help keep her with me always. Melissa of Doggone Tags made this special memento for me. I hung it together with a polymer charm I made and a silver heart. Yes, they're on a dog collar. Pepper's little red collar. It's a bit ironic really—my Pepper rarely ever wore her collar, and if ever I left it on her longer that absolutely necessary she let me know with a funny grimace and vigorous scratching… and since she seldom wore a collar, she never had a name tag—she didn't need any reminder of where she belonged—but if she would have tolerated a collar, I would have bought her a beautiful handmade tag.


And then there's you. You have helped me so so much! Thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for your kind sympathies, and for sharing your stories, and for your love and virtual hugs. My heart still aches and tears still fall daily and some days it feels like she just passed away yesterday, but you have brought me so much comfort and healing.

Thank you, thank you, dear friends.



And slowly, slowly, I'm trying to get back to creating. I need to keep busy…

If there ever comes a time when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever. ~ Winnie the Pooh

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. ~ Dr Seuss

… and so I try…

Heartbreak

On December 27th I had to say goodbye to my very best and most faithful friend—my little dog Pepper. She had been a part of my life since she was just 18 months old and for more than 15 years she had given me so much love and joy.

2012 had been a hard year for Pepper. I hadn't had the heart to say it before—it only made me sadder each time I thought of telling anyone and it made it all so much more real, and the end seem so inevitable—for most of the year she had been battling cancer. It was a very hard and tearful time for both of us. But in spite of all the hardships she endured, she always managed to bring a smile to my face. Looking at her you would have never known she was sick—she continued to run and play, she always kept that same sparkle in her eye, and we did our very best to enjoy each and every day to it's very fullest.

In the end, it wasn't the cancer that took my little girl from me. And for that I am actually very thankful. It was heart failure. At 16 1/2 years old, her little body was just wearing out and as much as she loved life and would have kept on trying to live, I knew she only had a short while and it had suddenly become so difficult for her. I didn't want her to be unhappy and in pain. For nearly three days she hadn't been able to sleep a full night because she was breathing so hard. Her body was getting weaker, and she was so tired. She deserved so much better. For the past 15 years she had depended on me to make all the right decisions for her, and I had always known that part of that very special responsibility included one day making the ultimate decision for her. And so I had to say goodbye. It was finally time and we both knew it. I had let her go. It was the kindest thing I could do.

My heart is broken now and so empty feeling.

I've decided I need to take a studio break. I'm not sure for how long. Right now everything is so much harder without her at my side—she was my studio companion—always there to greet me in the morning, to follow me around as I took beads to and from the freezer and oven, to remind me when I needed to get out and get some fresh air, she was there to entertain me with her snoring when I forgot to turn on the music, she was there to listen to all my dreams and ideas—good or bad, she was always there to give me that sweet smile and a wet kiss whenever I was down… she was just there for anything and everything.



My shop will still be open with my remaining stock and I'll be shipping those orders. And for those of you who have already worked out some made-to-order purchases with me, don't worry, I'm still working on them, and they'll be completed on time. But new beads and restocking my shop, I'm going to put off for a while.

But before I go I just want to also say thank you to each and everyone of you that purchased beads and jewelry from my shop this year. Without your help, I would never have been able to give Pepper the care she needed. I can't even begin to tell you how much that has meant to me. Thank you SO very, very much.

Right now I just need some time to dry my tears.

Thank you all so much.

Year End Sale!!

Hi all! I'm taking the next couple weeks off from bead making… and in order to keep you from getting too bored while I'm away, I'm running a year end sale! Everything in my shop is ready to ship, so right now there's no wait for me to make your beads… but that also means when they're gone, they're gone until I turn the bead making machine (me!) back on again on January 1st—so beads will be restocked by mid to late January.

Use code MERRY15 for 15% off your entire purchase!

Go here to start shopping.

So… now I'm off to spend some time with family, bake some pies and cookies (you probably thought I could only bake beads, I bet! Well, you are wrong! ;-), and play with my little girl, Pepper.

"Are you done with the beads NOW?"

She is the cutest little sleepy critter bead, isn't she?!

I won't be totally gone… I'll peek in now and then, and of course I'll be busy in the shipping department!

Merry Christmas wishes to you all!

Button Swap Reveal!

Hi all! And welcome to my reveal in the Button Swap Blog Hop! Thanks so much Cindy, for such a fun challenge! I had sooooo much fun swapping buttons with my awesome partner Sue Kennedy and a load of fun creating with the buttons she sent me. Thank you Sue, for my buttons!

Here are the buttons Sue sent me: a really neat fish one, a beautiful glass one (Sue made that one herself—I'm so lucky!), an incredibly adorable Scottie dog, and a lovely blue flower made by Lisa Peters. I used three out of these four buttons.

Come see what I made...

My first creation used the fish button—I call it "Sea Worn". I knew right away that this button was totally me and this design fell together so perfectly, I was shocked! I don't think I've ever had a design come together so quickly and without any kinks along the way.

The focal, or focals of this necklace are, of course, the fish button, with a ceramic bead from Gaea tied in the center, and two ceramic pendants from Birgitta Lejonklou.

From there I combined a mix of ceramic rounds (also from Gaea), large-hole ceramic rondelles (from Michael's—I love how the glaze mimics the look of shallow sea waters), chocolate pearls, carnelian discs, mother-of-pearl chips, and a few scattered brass beads and bead caps.

And for the closure, I used another of the large-hole ceramic rondelles and I made a small macrame loop.


The next piece I created uses the glass button Sue made for me. This one was a real challenge. You know me and blue—we don't always get along! And green—well, green is blue's best friend... and best friends stick together, so green doesn't always like me either. But I reeeally wanted to make something with this button... and I wanted to do it justice too. After a few retries here's what I came up with, and I have to say I'm super pleased with it!

I call it Magic in the Water. The colors of the glass remind me of glistening water and also of dragonfly wings. So pretty!

I've had these pretty faceted glass beads in my stash for quite some time and they were the first beads I thought of when I saw this button—and they match perfectly! The addition of fiber (yep, this is my first time using fiber in a design!) was my little work-around for a slight problem. You see, the button is clear glass... and that was my problem. Up against my skin it all turned sort of yellow looking (no, I don't have yellow skin! Skin just does those sorts of things!). So I needed something light colored behind it to bring out the colors. Fiber was the solution!

I took a long strip of blue chiffon fabric, frayed the edges, and then threaded it onto the wire behind the button, folding as I went.

And I did the same thing for the beads, but only on one end. I really love the ruffly, airy look it added. This bracelet is such a fun one to wear!

And for my third design, it was my little girl, Pepper that inspired me...

Here she is. She's 100% Rat Terrier and the sweetest little thing. She's a bit nervous and shy, she's spunky and playful, she's my fierce protector, and she's my bestest friend. She's not just my little dog, she's my terrier... and that says it all.

And so, when I got a little Scottie button from Sue that was super special. The button belonged to Sue's grandmother who was Scottish, and she loved Scotties. My mom's side of the family is from Scotland too, so that made it even more special. And here's what I made...

I call this bracelet "Terrier 'Tude". It's simple, but something I'll wear all the time. I wanted to use something red for the band and I searched for a while for a red cord to match the Scottie's collar, but couldn't find anything quite right. And then I remembered Pepper's old bed was plaid. I say "old" because that bed met its end a while back—first the washing machine had a fight with it and tore a small hole in it, and then Pepper decided it wasn't puffy enough for her and she tore it up to make it puffier... and so I had to buy her a new bed.

Plaid and Scotties go together perfectly! I used four strands of the fabric from Pepper's bed and made a braid for the band and stitched the little Scottie on in the middle. My second ever fiber design! I love it!

And here's how I did the closure—knots on each end wrapped with wire and a hook clasp.

I showed it to Pepper when I finished and I think she recognized it as her "old" bed, and she looked a little confused... she probably would have liked to make it puffier!! :-)

And there you have it—three designs with three fabulous buttons! The blue flower is next on my to-do list... Go see what Sue made with the buttons from me here!

Thanks so much for stopping by! Happy hopping!

Alice Peterson  and Kim Bender

Angie Blasingame and Billi R.S. Rothove

 Billi R.S. Rothove and Angie Blasingame

 Birgitta Lejonklou and Pam Farren

 Bonnie Coursolle and Tania Hagen

 Brenda Salzano and Hope Smitherman

 Cat Kerr and Heather Powers

 Cece Cornier and Jeannie Dukic

 Celeste Thurston and Christine Damm

 Christine Damm and Celeste Thurston

 Christine Stonefield and Dana James

 Cilla Watkins and Lori Bowring Michaud

 Cindy Wimmer and Mimi Gardner

 Cynthia Machata and Julia Johnson

 Cynthia Riggs and Lori Finney

 Dana James and Christine Stonefield

Diana Ptaszynski and Erin Prais-Hintz

 Emma Thomas and Rebecca Anderson

 Erin Prais-Hintz and Diana Ptaszynski

 Erin Siegel and Sharon Borsavage

 Heather Powers and Cat Kerr

 Holly Westfall and Sally Russick

 Hope Smitherman and Brenda Salzano

 Jayne Capps and Kim Dworak

 Jeannie Dukic and Cece Cornier

 Jenna Meyers and Kristi Harrison

 Jenna Tomalka and Karen McKillip

 Jenny Davies Reazor and Sandi Volpe

 Julia Johnson and Cynthia Machata

 Kalaya Steede and Kylie Dickman

 Karen McKillip and Jenna Tomalka

 Karen Mitchell and Renetha Stanziano

 Karla Morgen and Mary Govaars

Kay Thomerson and Shannon Chomanczuk

 Kim Ballor and Laurel Steven

 Kim Bender and Alice Peterson

 Kim Dworak and Jayne Capps

 Kim Roberts and Partner unable to participate at this time.

 Kristi Harrison and Jenna Meyers

 Kylie Dickman and Kalaya Steede

 Kym Hunter and Lynda Moseley

 Laurel Steven and Kim Ballor

 Linda Djokic and Patty Gasparino

 Line Labrecque and Teri Baskett

 Liz DeLuca and Lorelei Eurto

 Lorelei Eurto and Liz DeLuca

 Lori Anderson and Niky Sayers

 Lori Bowring Michaud and Cilla Watkins

 Lori Finney and Cynthia Riggs

 Lynda Moseley and Kym Hunter

 Marianna Boylan and Tracy Statler

 Mary Govaars and Karla Morgen

 Mary Harding and Stacie Florer 

 Maureen Baranov and Tracy Bell

 Melissa Martin and Theresa Fosdick

 Michelle Hardy and Peggy Johnson

 Mimi Gardner and Cindy Wimmer

 Nicole Valentine Rimmer and Niki Meiners

 Niki Meiners and Nicole Valentine Rimmer

 Niky Sayers and Lori Anderson

 Pam Farren and Birgitta Lejonklou

* Pam Ferarri and Stefanie Teufel (will share their reveal on a later date)

 Patty Gasparino and Linda Djokic

 Peggy Johnson and Michelle Hardy

 Rebecca Anderson and Emma Thomas

 Rebekah Payne and Sue Kennedy

 Renetha Stanziano and Karen Mitchell

 Rose Binoya and Shanti Johnson

 Sally Russick and Holly Westfall

 Sandi Volpe and Jenny Davies Reazor

 Shannon Chomanczuk and Kay Thomerson

 Shanti Johnson and Rose Binoya

 Sharon Borsavage and Erin Siegel

 Shirley Moore and Veralynne Malone

 Stacie Florer and Mary Harding

* Stefanie Teufel and Pam Ferarri (will share their reveal on a later date)

 Sue Hamel and Terry Carter

 Sue Kennedy and Rebekah Payne

 Tania Hagen and Bonnie Coursolle

 Tania Spivey and Teresa Gagne

 Teresa Gagne and Tania Spivey

 Teri Baskett and Line Labrecque

 Terry Carter and Sue Hamel

 Theresa Fosdick and Melissa Martin

 Tracy Bell and Maureen Baranov

 Tracy Statler and Marianna Boylan

 Veralynne Malone and Shirley Moore

Buttons From Sue

Cindy Wimmer of Sweet Bead Studio is hosting a Button Swap and Blog Hop. Button lovers from all over were paired up to swap 4 buttons, create something, and then on May 13th share their creations in a blog hop. I was paired up with Sue Kennedy of Sue Beads.

And here's what she sent me...

This little Scottie button belonged to Sue's Grandmother, who was Scottish and loved Scotties. I just love it! My little girl, Pepper is a terrier—a rat terrier and not a scottie, but they all have the same loving heart and that fearless/protector attitude—terriers stole my heart a long time ago.

This next button is one Sue made herself. Sue makes some fabulous glass and enamel beads and when I found out she was my swap partner, I was secretly hoping I'd get a button made by her... and I did! How super is that?!! And it's just gorgeous! She just started making buttons and I hope she keeps at it. Check out her shop here to see more of what she makes.

I want these...

And these! They're orange!! :-)

Okay, back to the buttons...

A very neat fish button... I think something nautical will come of this one...

And finally, a pretty ceramic flower button made by Lisa Peters. Don't you think that crackle finish is to-die-for? I love it! I have ideas for this one too.

Thanks so much Sue! I love all my buttons!!

So, what did Sue get from me?

This.

And that's all you get to see! I'll show you what's inside after Sue sees it first!

Time to get creating! Come back on May 13th for the reveal!